Oops I didn't know who was reading all this shit...

When I started my blog I never intended to use it on such a daily basis. Yes, I know you've heard me say that before, but it's my blog so shut the hell up. Anyway, I didn't anticipate very much readership for my blog. Who gives a flying shit what I think anyway? So, I only told a few people I know about my blog. One person my friend Scott (a.k.a. Vlad) I knew was reading my blog. I told my mom too, knowing she was too fucking retarded to take any interest or operate her computer. I have often thought about what would happen if an ex, one of Michael's co-workers, or an old USAF friend stumbled upon this. The truth is, I just don't give a fuck.

Well that's not entirely true I guess. I can say that because I thought it would never happen. It did. Michael had told one of his Air Force buddies about his blog several months ago. Now, I really like this particular friend of his, but it never occurred to me that he would be interested in what I had to say. I thought he would read Michael's and tell him how fucking great he is and that would be that. A few weekends ago this fella calls here. Come to find out he's been reading all this warped shit I write and he likes it. Hmmmm....that's interesting.

I think in person I try to be a little more. What do I mean by that? I try to be a little more polite, conscientious, a little less foul mouthed, and so on; you get the idea. It never occurred to me that I was censoring myself in reality. Hmm...that's a little fucked up. Anyway it got me thinking, I wonder if this particular guy finds me a better person here on my blog or in real life. Is it better to hang it all out there? Jeezus, I sound like Carrie fucking Bradshaw here.

So I guess I'm glad that he reads me, but I was definitely surprised. I wouldn't have changed anything I've written regardless who reads it. I guess I can find some nobility in that. Of course, I do hope that people who know me would tell me that they read this. I don't know why though. I guess it feels like if they read it and don't tell me it's kind of like spying in on my life. How does that make any sense? I mean it's o.k. for complete strangers to do it, but if you know me you should tell me you're reading me. I don't know, but it just does. What in the hell am I talking about? Fuck if I know.

So read, don't read, do whatever the hell you want, but tell me about it. I don't want to be your dirty little secret. At least I don't think I do? Hmmmm...maybe being a dirty secret is just what I need....

Oh fuck it...I give up.