I'll make a deposit...my foot up your ass.

You know these days just about everyone is in a hurry. Nobody wants to spend their lunch hour or weekend doing errands. It's a big world out there with lots of people. Occasionally there will be an inevitable delay. Delays occur everyday here in the Phoenix metro area. The majority are traffic related, but that's a whole other post. There are delays that could and should be prevented.

When you go to the grocery store there used to be an express lane. The express lane is now filled with people who have way more items than they should and a cashier that's too wimpy to say boo. Now they have created self checkouts. These checkouts are geared for a moderate amount of items. It works with a scale that weighs the items. The scale can hold about four plastic bags full of groceries and two 12 packs of soda. If you have more groceries than that, are using coupons, don't know the produce codes, are going to be carded, are purchasing cigarettes, writing a check, or don't know how to operate a debit machine you shouldn't be going in these lines. That can be slightly overlooked for now though because there are usually four self check outs. What cannot be over looked is bank etiquette.

Today I went to the bank. I usually get such shitty service I rather deal with the ATM machine. Once in a while though I like to cash my checks or deposit them so I know the funds are available immediately. The night before I go the bank I sign my checks and write "for deposit only" on them with my account number. I get a deposit slip out of my checkbook and fill it out. I write the date and do all the computations. I place the deposit slip with my account number printed on it with my check snuggly in my purse. I go about my hectic day and go to the bank.

Every fucking time I go there almost no one has filled out their slips. For fuck's sake fill the fucking things out. You know the bank isn't going to deposit funds into your account without it. They won't cash a check, transfer funds, print a duplicate statement, or any fucking thing else without the proper papers. Each transaction has a proper paper. What is this, some throwback to the seventies, the anti form movement. What? You ran out of those deposit slips that are preprinted in your checkbook. Guess fucking what, there are all the forms you need right there in that little side island area. Here's an idea. Take a handful home with you. Now I know this is radical, but you could even step over there and fill it out on the island. They even provide pens for you. If you can't fucking do that than you should be hit repeatedly in the shin with a hundred mile an hour fastball. If people aren't going to take matters into their own hands then I demand the bank create an express lane. It should be clearly labeled. Express lane: for customers who have all their paperwork ready. I mean I let them hold all of my money, that's the least they could do.

That doesn't let you no form filler outers off the hook though. Listen I know your lunch break is important and you don't want to lose your place in line, but mine is too. I have taken the time to think about the rules of bank etiquette and my fellow human behind me. I know their time is valuable too. If we all work together and follow the rules we could potentially be out of the bank in three minutes or less. So fucking fill out your forms already you fucking shit fucks.