What in the crap?

Well. I don't know what in the crap I'm supposed to do now. My back is killing me today. My half sister called me last night and told me my step uncle had passed away. Their family lives here in the Phoenix metro area. My step mom flew out last night to comfort her sister. My dad and half sister are driving out today from Albuquerque. It's about an eight hour drive.

My Dad has visited me twice since I have lived in AZ. I grew up with out him. It was mostly my mother fault as to my lack of seeing him, but that's neither here nor there. I have lived in AZ for a total of five years. The whole family never comes to visit me. Just him. He was supposed to come out at the end of July. I just brought my first house with my husband, so it's quit a big deal. Well since my step uncle died, whom everyone pretty much despised, I think they are trying to squeeze me in. This seems wrong to me. I me the time before last the squeezed me in because they were picking my step sister up from rehab. They of course didn't even bother to tell me she had a problem with meth until she was half way through it. I don't want to be squeezed in. I deserve more and so does my poor step uncle. Is this so wrong?

I asked Michael to help me clean up a bit and we got into a horrible argument. I'm in too much pain to do it all myself. I just feel like since my dad and his family never gave me anything, I need to show them that I can provide for myself. I mean I want to be a part of my dad's life, but I don't think that it is really going to happen. That makes me sad because he really is a great guy. I don't want to fight with Michael. He's at a party we were invited to. He wanted me to stay here. Lustig is going to give me shit about this though. I wonder if Vlad and Tess went.

What the crap is a girl to do?