Thong tha thong thong thong

Well. I started today laying bed looking at the ceiling. It was very odd to me because I usually spring out of bed at the butt crack of dawn with nothing to do. Just for the sheer "springing" part of it. The sad part is I am a total bitch for the first waking hour. I can't seem to say or do anything nice, so I just don't talk at all. I wonder about this because I am not wishing I were still in bed, but rather that no one will bother me with their pathetic shit in the first waking hour of the day. Should someone dare, I am sure to be a complete cunt about it. It's just a knee-jerk reaction. Maybe I should try coffee. Anyway. I just felt like laying there.

I decided to get the exercising part of my day over with. Thought about this and that and decided to put some mileage on my bike. When I got in the garage my front tire was flat, yet again. The damn thing was in the bike shop and has been repaired by my husband twice. I haven't ridden in a week because my fucking tire is always flat. I mean the same fucking tire. How many times am I going to have to replace the fucker? So I did what any rational person would do. I said fuck the exercising. I mean I'll fix the tire myself already. Who wants to go exercise at this much effort? Me?

After a kosher dill and a slice of cheese I figured I better eat something for real. I went to the store and bought a pound of rainier cherries and a half pound of Angus roast beef. It was $13.00. I mean what the fuck is up with that. I could eat out cheaper than that. When did a sandwich and a piece of fruit become the price of a cheap steak dinner at Chili's? Then I thought I could buy a brick of lard foe $0.69. Someone shoot me and put me out of my misery. Am I the only one who notices this type of shit? Why are we so health conscience? I mean have you seen these women with the thongs hanging out and the belly shirts? Some women look damn good in that kind of thing, but let's be honest, most of the women I see wearing that I can't believe. Do they not see the shirt rolling up because it's too small of a size or their fat is saddle bagging down the side of their pants. Do they thing I just don't give a fuck what anyone thinks? Could it possibly be they think they actually look good? What is it? I'm still having a hard time wearing shorts this summer because my calves are so cut they are like a man's. It was 103 degrees today. Am I overly self conscience? Probably, but shoot me down if I ever decided to wear a thong. Even if no one knew I was wearing them I would think when I put them on in the morning "Who the fuck are you kidding? Your ass should not be wearing these. This is for a rump shaker video or a freaky deaky night with the hubby." I don't know, but I think I need help.

So everyone says exercise, eat healthy, and then they cram a tub of Ben and Jerry's at you that costs $48.00. I am going to go stare at the ceiling, without a thong on.