I just don't get it....

Well I absolutely have no idea how people who are bothered by something can go on like a regular day is happening. When something upsets me I can't think about anything else. I want to find a solution, a resolution, a fix. I think and think about what I might have done differently to avoid the problem, I point the finger at myself, and I need to fix things.

I have noticed that some people can just function like everything is just fine and dandy. I wonder how this is possible. Does that mean that they aren't as upset about the issue as I am? Does it mean that they don't give a flying fuck? Is it some sort of adrenaline rush that forces you through your normal day? What is it? I don't understand.

When I fight with Michael it's even worse. I can't imagine thinking about getting off later that night. I can't imagine thinking about what I'm going to wear the next day, going trail riding, watching a movie,....anything....I can't think about anything. How can people do this? If you know please tell me. Maybe I wouldn't be suffering so much...

Anyway, Michael and I have been having some problems lately. He says that there are three things I really need to work on. One of them is being super stressed all of the time. I have to agree with him somewhat. I am stressed a lot more than I should be. When I go to bed at night I lay there thinking about what I have to accomplish the next day. I roll over and look at Michael. He's sleeping like a baby. So how do I achieve total relaxation? I started to think about it, seriously. I was racking my brain. The only time I ever really feel totally relaxed is when I'm in Las Vegas. What does this mean? I'm I supposed to become a drunk?

A few minutes later my dad called. I asked him if he has trouble relaxing. Come to find out, he has the exact same problems I do. He says he drinks too much. The only time he's ever relaxed is when he's at the beach staring at the waves come in, drinking a beer. So what's with our home environment that makes us both so antsy? I don't get it.

Michael called after that. He said I obviously needed some depressants. So apparently I need to get drunk and high to help my marriage. How fucked up is that?

Seriously, I don't know what to do and I still have two other things to fix. I'm too bitchy and too oversensitive.